Need You, Love You
by Eppy
Summary: Jake breaks down after the events of book 50. Cassie tries to comfort him. Short little J/C I wrote to make myself feel better.


Need You, Love You  
AniAphrodite  
AniAphrodite@yahoo.com  
  
Rating: PG13  
Category: J/C romance, drama  
Spoilers/Timeline: Up to and including book 50, takes place right afterwards.  
Summary: Jake breaks down. Cassie makes him feel better. Their relationship goes back to where it should be. Typical h/c story.  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, don't claim to, don't sue. They're KA's, Even if she's incompetent. Sheesh, making me fix all of her books. What is this, the third time? First 41, then 44, and now this. I'm sensing a pattern...and do not like where it's ending up! Just kidding. :)  
  
Feedback: Oooo would you? I live on feedback. My personal drug of choice. Gives a better high then anything else, that's for sure.  
Archive: You want it? Can't see why. Well, if you are possessed and want this thang, just drop me line telling me where it's going.   
  
Note: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If this was not you're reaction after book 50, you're not a true J/Cer. You're not even a real Animorph fan. Well, maybe not. But I went nuts. I mean, I've been with them since the first 'I guess you can say I kind of *like* Cassie'. I came *this* close to burning all the books and mailing KA the ashes. But I decided to write a fan fic instead. Fix her mistake. So here it is, in all its un-beta'd, harried glory.  
  
* denotes word emphasis  
  
  
~OWTS~  
  
I ran. I ran and ran and ran until I couldn't breath, until my muscles were burning and trembling with exhaustion. And when I could no longer run, I collapsed, sinking to the ground. I didn't care where I was, it didn't matter. One place was the same as the rest. I didn't notice the rocks and twigs poking me, or the hard ground beneath me. The only thing I was aware of was the burning ache inside of me.   
  
Tears streamed down my face. I didn't care. I didn't have to be strong anymore. I didn't have to be mighty Jake and inspire the troops. I didn't have to pretend that I knew what I was doing, that I was confident. In control. I didn't have to make any decisions. I could just lay on the ground and cry.  
  
I nearly killed him. I nearly killed Tom. My brother. There was a decision to make and I made it. Priorities were organized. I chose my mission over my brother. I made the hardest decision of my life and for what? For nothing! It was taken away from me.   
  
I was gonna kill him. I was inches away from...from doing something I knew I would always have to do. I'd made peace with it. If it was a choice between the world or one life, there was no choice.  
  
I can see it, you know. How it would look. His body, all mangled. Bloody, bones protruding. Suckling chest wounds. Gashes down his face, his arms. Torn clothing. Extremities torn off or twisting in angles that were wrong.   
  
God.  
  
I feel like the ground's been pulled out from under me. The rock on which I had my feet purchased was gone. And it was not just me going to kill him. That wasn't it.  
  
You see, I had lost something tonight. I'd lost my constant. My rock. The one thing that was holding me, supporting me. It was gone. I felt like a guy falling down a cliff and clutching nothing but air. I struggled to find a purchase, but there was none. She was gone.   
  
Not gone like dead gone or controller gone. No. Worse. She was right there. Just a little ways away. I saw her everywhere I looked, I heard her voice, I could feel her.   
  
But it was her fault! She...that patronizing...ugh! She's all, 'talk to me, be at peace' and making my job so much harder. Why can't she just go with it? Why all of her moralizing crap? She let Tom...no, the Yeerk get away with the blue box! And for what! So my brother wouldn't be dead.  
  
She doesn't even know why she did it. I could see it in her eyes. She doesn't even know why she's just lost the war for us. It just 'felt' right to her. She based the whole fate of the universe on a 'feeling'.   
  
Or on me. Great, that's a load of guilt. Why is the world destroyed? 'Cause my girlfriend didn't think I could handle killing my brother. 'Cause she took my options...my *rights* away. She bit me! Part of me wants to hurt her. I'm so angry right now. She did the wrong thing. Totally. She made a stupid decision that's gonna effect billions of other people. Part of me wants to make her pay...  
  
...and the rest of me wants to curl up in her lap and sob my heart out.   
  
But I'm left with the dirt.   
  
The frustration, the rage, the hurt that's been building up within me for the last few weeks floods out. I never gave myself the chance to grieve the loss of my parents. I was making up for it now. Here in the woods, by myself, I didn't need to maintain the facade. So the real me, the hurt, scared little kid who just wanted his mommy and daddy, laid on a hard, wooded floor and sobbed his heart out.   
  
A soft, gentle hand touched my shoulder. I jerked back, my hands rising to my eyes as if on instinct, drying the tears. I blinked my eyes several times to get them to stop.   
  
I didn't even need to open my eyes to know who it was. It was horrible. The anger was so complete, it filled me, fueled me. But so did the love. That was complete. Filling me. I bit my lip, concentrated on slowing my breathing. I couldn't even look at her.   
  
"Damn it Jake, knock it off!" she said angrily. I was startled. Cassie doesn't cuss. Ever. And she's all for crying. Before I could regain my equilibrium, she pulled me into her arms. I tried to pull away, but she held me tight. She clasped me against her.  
  
"Cry Jake. You've let it go to long. No use trying to regain your macho image now, I saw you, so let it out," her voice was stern, but her actions were gentle. She smoothed my hair and rocked me gently, just like...just like...  
  
I started crying again. Great gasping sobs escaped my lips, tears ran down my face, soaking her shirt. I don't think she minded. She just sat there on the ground with me in her arms, rocking me back and forth.  
  
Slowly, my sobs quieted and my tears stopped. I didn't make any move to go away, and she didn't make any move to release me. After a few minutes of just sitting there, I realized where I was. I was tight against her, my face resting mostly on and somewhat between her breasts, my body pressed tight against her. The anger I felt with myself for getting turned on at a moment like this was enough to make me move away.   
  
I sat back, looking at her. Her eyes were red, and not just from this current cry, although her cheeks were freshly streaked. Her shirt was messy and wet, really wet, a big stain showing where I had been. She was biting her lip, uncertainty written on her features.  
  
"Why?" I croaked. "How could you?"  
  
She turned away. "I couldn't let you!" she cried. "I couldn't let you kill your own brother!"  
  
"Why not?" I snapped back. "It was my decision! Weren't you the one who was all on me to be the leader?"  
  
"Not when it involved killing Tom. You can't do that, Jake. You can't."   
  
"That wasn't your choice!" I yelled.  
  
"It was the only one I had!" she screamed back. "You're already...gone. Not Jake, anymore. You'd a killed him, you'd be one of *them*! I can't have you gone! I ne-, we need you too much for that to happen. Like it or not, you're important."  
  
"Stop patronizing me!" I screamed. "Stop it! Why do you have to do this to me! Why didn't you kill him? WHY IS HE NOT DEAD! WHY DO I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS!"   
  
"You need a reason to live! And if Tom was gone, your driving force was gone, and then we'd be gone. You can't go Jake!" and now she was sobbing, "You can't leave us. I need you, God, so much. I need you more than anything. I can't do it without you. Damn it Jake!"   
  
I looked at her. Looked at how close she was. We must have gotten right in each others faces while we were shouting. Our eyes locked...  
  
...and the tension *exploded*.  
  
Hungrily we grabbed at each other, our mouths meeting in a brutal, greedy kiss. I tasted the salt of her tears on her lips. I tasted her anger, her sadness, her need. She poured it into the kiss as she clutched me, pulling me closer. I held her tight, meeting all her demands, kissing her just as desperately and as passionately as she was kissing me.   
  
She was pressed tight against me, so tight, it's a wonder we weren't a part of each other, meshed together. Her tongue was greedily exploring my mouth, her hands rough on my face, needing this touch, needing to feel...me. She needed me.   
  
And I needed her. For the first time since this whole mess, I felt grounded, even though I was floating. I crushed against her , needing more of her, more of this, I never wanted it to end.   
  
But end it did. With a gasp, Cassie pulled away from me. Her face was white. "Jake...Jake I'm sorry. God. I'm so sorry,"   
  
I stared at her. Reached for her. "It's all right," I said. "It's all right."   
  
She skirted out of my grasp. "No. It's not. I'm sorry. Taking advantage..."  
  
I looked at her. "It wasn't taking advantage. Cassie, if anything I was using you. I...that was good. I needed that."  
  
She looked at me. Blinked. "Me too," she admitted.  
  
I looked at her for a long time. Thought about it. Thought about her. "I need...you." I said.  
  
She looked back. "Me too."  
  
I looked at her longer. Sighed. "I love you," I said softly.  
  
She smiled. "Me too," just as softly.   
  
I stood up. Offered my hand, pulled her up. She fell into step along side me as I began to walk back. After a moment, I stopped. Looked at her.  
  
"I'm still mad."  
  
"I know."  
  
We walked a little bit longer.  
  
"I still love you."  
  
The smile she gave me was so sweet, it took my breath away. "I know."  
  
"Never again, Cassie. No matter how mad we get, we won't lose each other. We need each other too badly."  
  
She bit her lip and nodded, tears in her eyes.   
  
"I can't do it without you. You're everything. My driving force, Cassie. My reason to fight, to live. If you're gone..."  
  
She pulled me down. Kissed me, long and hard. "I'm not gone," she said. "Never will be. We'll do this Jake. We'll be together. Always."   
  
I looked into her eyes. Eyes that were shinning with tears...and love. "Always," I agreed.  
  
Slowly, we walked back to camp.   
  
  
THE END  
  
Sappy, I know. Promises of forever, totally cliched, but damn it, I needed that.   
  



End file.
